Ezra's Anatomy 2
(AU)
Once upon a time, Ezra Standish the med student was feeling very emotional. His classes were going okay because he was a genius, but his social life was kind of depressing. It was a Friday night at a party-filled college campus and he was hiding in his dorm. He had met a lovely young blonde on the street a few days ago, but he was horrible at keeping friends because his mother had taught him not to trust anyone and to push everyone away. But, he wasn't the only one in on a Friday. His roommate Chris had invited Vin over to watch movies. Ezra was warned to stay out of their way, so he retreated to his bedroom to sulk quietly.
He was bored, so he turned on the television to watch some great I Love New York. He loved that ghetto version of the bachelorette. He wished he could be just like her and have a bunch of hot guys in a house fighting for his attention. Damn that bitch was fly. He started thinking about who he would like to have in his ghetto palace. Of course, Eagle Eyes would be there. And he would love to have Preacher and Peach Fuzz. Doc wouldn't be so bad either, because even though he hated Ezra for being racist, he was hawt. Ladies man would be nice too, because he had a nice ass and he made Ezra feel special every time he saw him. And of course, the Bad Element would be there. In leather.
Ezra would make them all build doghouses for his beloved PRINCESSA. And he would give them all great big bling necklaces that meant they had love for Ezra. Yes, this was his fantasy.
Suddenly, he felt a stabbing pain in his side. Ezra was scared, but his mother had told him never to show any weakness to anyone, so he ignored it and got out his crayons to draw his mansion. He was just coloring the sheets on his bed hot pink when he felt the pain again, this time more intense. Ezra couldn't help himself, he started to whimper a bit and wondered if an alien was going to burst out of his chest.
Ezra dropped his crayon and fell out of his chair, but he scrambled back up. He had to look normal. Vin and Chris would come by the room soon and he couldn't let them see that he was hurting. They would only point and laugh at him, his mother said. Or maybe they would poke him with a stick. Ezra couldn't trust anyone. Evah. Then he heard a key in the lock and tried to look normal. He stuffed his picture in the top drawer of his desk and fixed his eye on the tv, though he was sure his organs had detached from their proper places and were playing bumper cars in his abdomen.
"Ezra, WTF are you doing here?" Chris growled. "I told you Vin and I needed the damn room tonight."
Ezra looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, Mr. Larabee, I was just watching I Love Ez--I mean, I Love New York."
Vin looked at Chris. "S'okay, he c'n watch if'n he wants."
Chris glared, narrowing his eyes into the deadly Larabee glare, his eyes fell on Ezra. "I don't want him to watch! Why should he get to watch? He's a good-for-nothing who just likes money!"
Ezra suddenly felt the pain in his side grow worse and he fell out of his chair again. Vin quickly rushed to his side. "Ez! Ez! Are ya okay?"
Ezra was too unconscious to answer.
"We gotta help him! You shoulda turned down yer glare!" Vin scolded Chris.
"It was only set for stun!" Chris argued.
"Well maybe ya shouldn't glare at poor defenseless people like Ez," Vin said. "He's been through a lot in life, jest like me."
Chris hung his head for a moment before he remembered: "Hold up, I'm a med student! I'll cut him open and save him! I bet it's appendicitistisitistictis!"
Vin looked at Chris, because by now he was too worried to speak. Can ya really do it? Ain't surgery hard or something?
Hard? Ya just cut him open. Get me the scissors. Ez keeps a pair in the top drawer of his dresser, under the CD case and next to the paperclips.
Vin opened the drawer and immediately saw the picture on top. "I Love the Gambler" was scrawled across the top, and he could clearly recognize himself and Chris and their other four friends who lived down the hallway. It made him cry.
Vin grabbed the scissors and turned his gaze back to Chris. Ya gotta save him, Chris, ya gotta. We haven't been good friends to him. We gotta have another chance.
What? You want a hamburger now? Chris frowned at Vin.
Vin thrust the picture at him. Look.
Chris looked down at the picture.
It made him cry.
Vin handed Chris the scissors. If you're gonna cry, you're gonna cry and cut.
Chris looked down at Ezra and squared himself. He made the incision and told his hands to stop shaking. Vin saw all the blood and felt dizzy for a second, but he realized that it was all rather cool.
Chris I want a turn!
Chris glared. You won't know what you're doing! You want me to save Ezra or not?
Well... he does have a nice stereo...
No, Chris glared, I'm gonna save him. I just have to cut out this thing here. See? It's the appendix!
Chris snipped the organ out and pulled it from Ezra's body.
That's so cool! Vin's wide eyes emoted. Can I keep it?
Sure, I'll put it in this convenient jar for ya and everything! Chris stuffed the thing in the jar and handed it to Vin proudly. He was rather smug. He had just performed his first surgery, now to close Ezra up. He glanced around the room and grabbed the scotch tape off Ezra's desk. The roll was almost empty, and Chris hoped there was enough left to do the job, he didn't want to loan any of his to his roommate. What if he needed it later?
Chris taped up the wound and propped Ezra against the desk. He decided that he should probably wash his hands after all that and headed down the hall to the bathroom. He frowned and stopped halfway there.
Where had Vin disappeared to?
He spotted Buck's door and knocked. The man with the moustache answered.
"Have you seen Vin?" Chris asked.
"Yeah, he came by a second ago and showed me this thing in a jar, said it was an appendix," Buck said. "It kind of looked like chopped liver though."
"It was Ezra's appendix. I cut it out," Chris said proudly.
"What? You got to do surgery!" Buck exclaimed. "Why didn't you teeeeeeeeeeeeeellllll meeeeeeeeeeeee????"
"It was kinda spur of the moment," Chris said. "Do you know where Vin went?"
"He probably went to show it to Josiah," Buck said. "I bet he's gonna be jealous too."
Chris shrugged and headed for Josiah's room where he could hear Josiah talking about the bible.
"...but look, Josiah," Chris heard Vin say as he stepped inside. "I got an appendix in a jar!"
Josiah reached up and took the jar to examine it. "Vin..."
"Yeah?" Vin said.
"This is not an appendix," Josiah said. "It's a heart."
"What? But Chris said that it was Ezra's appendix!" Vin let out.
"Shit," Chris said. "Those suckers look an awful lot alike."
"You better go put this back," Josiah said. "I'm sure Ezra needs his heart."
"But I wanted to keeeeeeeeep it," Vin pouted. "I was going to name it Hearthur!"
"Now Vin, if Ezra wants to give you his heart, I don't think you need to carve it out of his chest," Josiah said.
"I'll go put it back," Chris said, taking the jar from Josiah. He turned to go back to his room, but there stood Ezra blocking his path.
"Ezra! What the hell?" Chris said.
"Yes, Mr. Larabee?" Ezra asked.
"You... this is your heart!" Chris said, showing him the jar. Ezra stared at it for a prolonged moment.
"My heart? Why, mother always said my heart was useless. Looks like she was correct," Ezra said. He wandered off down the hall again.
Vin eyed the jar. "Does this mean I can keep Heartie?"
The End
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